She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
