he shaved USA in his pubs
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
