I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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