I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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