i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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