i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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