i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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