Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
