This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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