I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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