You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
