I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize