Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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