Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My feet surprised me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
