hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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