You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
