shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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