I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm too high and old for this...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize