I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
