I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
