oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
