Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
40s are totally the cure
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have aggressive nipples.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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