physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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