Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
