I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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