its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize