if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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