Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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