ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
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he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.