He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?