Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize