P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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