The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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