your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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