The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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