I wanna passion pit in your ass
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
