No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
