Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
operation have a gay friend backfired
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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