i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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