just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
