Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
