It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
