with your own penis?
it's like iHOP with fire
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
