Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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