and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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