I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
