i already hear my dad disowning me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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