on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
