the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
