I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize