She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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