you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
