I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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