Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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