im drinking this country out of the recession.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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