I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
