We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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