WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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