my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
