If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You ruined the universe
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
