Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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