I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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